Solidarity
As in, me and all my management buddies are in solidarity about hating unions. I mean, what has a union ever done for anybody anyway? Absolutely nothing. That’s why these hospitals are trying to save these nurses the hassle of collective bargaining by giving them something they really need: a new title. Supervisors, because once the nurses are categorized as supervisors, they will be ineligible to join a union.
And nurses, why would you want to? You’re not labor anymore. There’s no more of the boss man asking you to put in a little overtime this weekend. No, you’ll be the boss! Plus, you’ll be getting all sorts of perks. You’ll get a new nameplate, new business cards, and a newfound respect.
Now, if the National Labor Relations Board approves these forced promotions, we can make everyone in America a supervisor. Now, some of you are going to ask me, ‘Stephen, how can everyone in the country be a supervisor? There’ll be no one left to supervise.’
Well, folks, it’s simple. The CEO will supervise the office manager, the office manager will supervise the janitor, and the janitor will supervise the CEO. That way, they’re all equal.
It’s the great circle of life, like the nitrogen cycle. The cow is the economy, and the workers are grass, which the cow eats and digests, and then the workers are pooped back onto the playing field, and management is…riding the cow? I don’t…uh…
The point is you can’t unionize! It’ll kill the cow.
But making every worker a supervisor will actually stimulate the cow. As management, you’re expected to have a very professional-looking desk, loaded with professional-looking stuff. You got stress balls, miniature zen gardens, and putting greens. Think of all the people this will employ.
But, we can’t do this alone. Folks, it is time for management and labor to put aside their differences and come together as management to exploit labor.
And nurses, why would you want to? You’re not labor anymore. There’s no more of the boss man asking you to put in a little overtime this weekend. No, you’ll be the boss! Plus, you’ll be getting all sorts of perks. You’ll get a new nameplate, new business cards, and a newfound respect.
Now, if the National Labor Relations Board approves these forced promotions, we can make everyone in America a supervisor. Now, some of you are going to ask me, ‘Stephen, how can everyone in the country be a supervisor? There’ll be no one left to supervise.’
Well, folks, it’s simple. The CEO will supervise the office manager, the office manager will supervise the janitor, and the janitor will supervise the CEO. That way, they’re all equal.
It’s the great circle of life, like the nitrogen cycle. The cow is the economy, and the workers are grass, which the cow eats and digests, and then the workers are pooped back onto the playing field, and management is…riding the cow? I don’t…uh…
The point is you can’t unionize! It’ll kill the cow.
But making every worker a supervisor will actually stimulate the cow. As management, you’re expected to have a very professional-looking desk, loaded with professional-looking stuff. You got stress balls, miniature zen gardens, and putting greens. Think of all the people this will employ.
But, we can’t do this alone. Folks, it is time for management and labor to put aside their differences and come together as management to exploit labor.
posted by Liz at 11:11 AM
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